who the hell is Tom Schoon?

I don’t have many comments on this blog of mine, mainly because no one knows that it exists.

However, someone has posted (and I’m not making it up, you can check for comments and find it if you like!) and has asked a very good question;

who the hell is Tom Schoon?

What a bloody/shitting/fucking good question that is.
Well, where do I start with a question like that? It was left a while ago and was almost certainly written by someone with a small penis/brain (possibly the same organ anyway) about a picture that I put up as a joke in the first place.

This post is not about the previous post, nor is it about Mr. No-Penis/Brain. It is about the question.

It all started in January, shortly after midnight when my wife and I had a ‘sharp discussion’ about how we’d not had our honeymoon yet. We had only been married for a year at this point and so I still felt it was too early to rush into these things. More importantly I was saving up for a DTS-HD surround system for my Blu-Rays. You see, I couldn’t listen to the DTS track on any of my films because the amp was so old it just couldn’t hack it. So, £600 was reserved for the amp (that’s amplifier for all you people out there with sexual organs where your brains should be) and a further £900 was put aside for an event that involve me having to leave the country suddenly.

Anyway, because us straight blokes always lose, we went on Honeymoon and we had a wonderful time (although I was quite sad about spending all of my money on flights, sex aids and drugs). Sadly I put my back out and my wife had to do all of the cooking, cleaning (including the pool) and make all of the effort in bed. I really was in so much pain, I’m not even joking about this bit.

Anyway, while we were away and I was stuck in bed on my own it suddenly dawned on me that something incredible had just happened – I had relaxed. It was probably the first time since 2001 or maybe even earlier.  I then spent the whole week enjoying myself – only getting out of bed once my wife had gone shopping – and getting back into the random routine of actually living a life and being happy.

Being happy was something I had caught snatches of in recent times; meeting my wife, realising that she loved me for real (which is a rare thing these days), meeting her wonderful family, asking her to marry me (to which she said yes) and then of course marrying her.
Then I looked around at exhibits A through E and realised that what I did during the day when I was back in busy old London made me utterly miserable.

I always try to find new and inventive ways to entertain myself at work; sticking foil in the microwave, shouting abuse and dropping used teabags at people on the streets below, but all I ever want to do is come home and be with my wife.

Then I suddenly thought about Richard Cranium, who posted on my blog regarding who the hell I was. Who am I? What do I DO? What will I be remembered for? What will I have done? Will I EVER get a Wikipedia entry that I HAVEN’T created myself? Whilst away, the answer was a big, fat no.

But that’s not true, is it?
The Revolution (always makes me think of The Beatles, how about you?) in Egypt reminded me about the power that people have. I also started thinking about how irrelevant all of this is if we suddenly stopped existing and were no longer here.  What a waste of a decade, worrying about money. And for what? To chase numbers down an endless road and carry a load of sharp bricks on my back all day, every day?

Life is not about this and it never needs to be (have you seen my new DTS amp? It’s amazing – I put it on a card).

I have come across some rather unpleasant people over the last ten years (2001 – 2011) and I am sure that I am on someone else’s list of unpleasant people they have met, but this post is not about that or them. I don’t like or have time for people who don’t like me. I have even less time for anyone who uses me or takes advantage of me. The person who thinks I am less of a person than them and uses that against me to make my life difficult to amuse them, I like you the least.

That is why I am here in 2011 talking to the ether – talking to no one.
Everyone who has ever tried to hurt me and failed, thank you. You have made me into Tom Schoon (2011).
The new generation of Schoon. Mega Schoon? Uber Schoon? NEGA Schoon?

Anyway, back to the original question from Dickless earlier.

Who the hell is Tom Schoon? You really will never know…I’m not that stupid.

Albert Speer reference in new Harry Potter?

OK – firstly let me preface this post by saying; these are my thoughts – I am not after world domination nor am I starting a fight. I am simply reading too much into a scene from the new Harry Potter film.
In fact, the true title of this post should be:

TOM READS TOO MUCH INTO A SCENE FROM
‘HARRY POTTER AND THE DEATHLY HALLOWS: PART 1’

Albert Runcorn in Harry Potter 7: Part 1

Here is a promotional shot (alas, used without permission) of David O’Hara as Albert Runcorn, one of the unfortunate Ministry of Magic workers knocked out by Harry Potter and co. from the new film.

Now, I know I’m reading too much into this, as always, but I couldn’t stop thinking about Albert Speer when I was watching this scene from the film. I know I shouldn’t, but in Hollywood films everything is obvious and usually done in a ‘traditional’ bad-guy way.

In this case, we have the give-away leather trench coat and a stern bad-guy-turned-good (or in this case used as a pawn) who is then used as a trojan in order to infiltrate the evil nest!

So, Runcorn looks like a stereotypical bad-guy, even though he’s actually just an ordinary Wizard going about his every day job. He’s also called Albert! Now, this is probably a coincidence, but I was already thinking about Speer before Umbridge even mentioned it!

To continue the Speer symbolism (for want of a better word) we have Harry use Runcorn’s identity in order to descend into the bunker-like Ministry for Magic (which I love the design of, by the way!).  Once he’s well and truly in the bowels of the building, Runcorn then snoops around, finds what he’s after (causing an explosion on the way) and then leaves – with a bit of a fight from that nasty bastard who was also in ‘Children of Men’!

Speer, from my hazy history, left Hitler’s bunker an ally only to return weeks later (much to Hitler’s delight) only to reveal that he had changed sides and was merely returning to the bunker to say good-bye.  Any one else would have been executed, but Speer walked out having broken Hitler’s heart.

Althought this scene in HP7.1 is not a literal translation – I loved seeing this, even if it is all in my head. The following scene in the Ministry if even a trial where someone is being prosecuted for not being of ‘pure blood’. Now, even in the books we get the message that Voldemort’s thirst for purity stems from the Nazi-ideal, but to see it displayed in this final film so vividly was a triumph in my opinion.

Runcorn (or Harry as Runcorn) walks into the ministry, undetected, causes a huge problem and then leaves. This is a busy scene and Runcorn’s identity or symbolism is irrelevant really. The fact that his first name is Albert and he looks like a typical Spielberg bad-guy leaves me thinking that it was done deliberately and in my opinion flawlessly.

So, my over-the-top analysis of this scene:

Albert Runcorn = Albert Speer.

I am probably wrong and will almost certainly be corrected by people who know their films and history better than I.
Thankfully, no body reads this blog so I should be OK!

Enjoy the film – it’s great, if you haven’t seen it. Personally I would have preferred a five hour version with an old-style interval.

TS

Surprisingly motivating…

Cloudy with a chance for Tesla

My better half and I recently had the pleasure of seeing the animated film ‘Cloudy with a chance of Meatballs’ (2009) a few weeks ago. Aside from being fantastic fun and a film that doesn’t take itself too seriously (a growing problem with Disney/Pixar), it is noted as the first film aimed at children that I have seen that features the great Nikola Tesla as a ‘hero’.

In the film, Tesla is one of the famous inventors depicted in posters on the young Flint Lockwood’s wall. In fact, out of all of the inventors (Edison and Einstein being among them) Tesla’s poster is the one on which Flint draws the most inspiration.

Tesla's depiction in 'Meatballs'

Now, I know what you’re probably thinking – this is going to be one of those preachy blogs where someone goes on and on about their heroes! Maybe, but I’m hoping it won’t be. Please read on…

In my opinion, Tesla is a tragic example of genuine and compassionate innovation taken down by corporate greed and the matter of money over progress. I strongly believe that if we had taken on more of his ideas and inventions the world would not be in such a mess right now and we certainly would not have had that giant oil spill recently that BP are desperately trying to brush under the rug.

Tesla’s inventions and theories behind wireless electricity into our homes is in evidence today with rechargeable toothbrushes that require no physical connection and recently I noticed in The Carphone Warehouse that a new form of phone-charger has been developed whereby you simply place the phone on the ‘pad’ and it charges the phone without having to plug anything in. Purely wireless.

So, with technology like this in existence and Tesla himself having run tests to prove their safety and reliability a hundred years ago – why are we still using cable to transmit everything? This is also briefly touched upon in another film that I was impressed with, ‘The Prestige’ (2006), in which David Bowie plays Tesla with understated dignity.

With Edison doing his best to put his rival out of business, it was just a matter of time before the government and the banks realised that Tesla’s inventions had no money making potential. How could you charge people for using electricity that came freely from the air?

And this brings me back to the subtle brilliance behind ‘Cloudy with a chance of Meatballs’. Our protagonist Flint Lockwood invents a way of producing any ready-made food to order using a machine that turns water from the air into food particles.

The machine is a huge success as hamburgers, fried eggs and bacon fall like rain from the sky. There is never at any time a mention from the powers-that-be about making money from selling the food. This is dealt with by using the mountains of free food as a tourist attraction which, of course, goes disastrously wrong.

The food falling from the sky is still free. This is exactly the sort of invention that Nikola Tesla was working on a hundred years ago and the reason why this film gets me very excited. With oil being spilled into our oceans and our governments invading other countries simply to obtain more of the precious liquid – is it time we gave Tesla a posthumous second chance? Is it time we moved everything over to wireless? We can do it with mobile phones, the internet, battery powered toothbrushes and the like…so why not electricity?

If we started taking electricity from the air – as Flint takes water from the air to make his food – we could power our homes, cars, computers, hospitals. The list would be endless and the Earth has enough power for everyone.

Now, I know that this post isn’t technically about art – but at the same time it may be thanks to recent films such as ‘The Prestige’ and ‘Cloudy with a chance of Meatballs’ (both based on books, by the way) that our future gets the saviour it so desperately needs – from the past.